A Frontier Wedding

Guest blog by Tom Pflederer

Altamira is a frontier town—isolated, undeveloped, surrounded by tens of thousands of square miles of mostly unexplored and sparsely inhabited land. Estimates of the population of this city run from 40,000 to 70,000. Bud estimates about 15% of the people are wealthy (by Brazilian standards), another 15% middle class, and the rest poor.

Alcoholism and sexual license are common. Marriage is not valued, babies are born out of wedlock, and there is a high degree of unfaithfulness. It is common for a 14 or 15 year old girl to move in with a man who is ten or more years older. The unemployment rate is high, those who do work usually just find day jobs, and most people are just trying to survive from day to day.

Somehow the community seems to work at least at some level. People from the outlying areas on the river and by road bring their produce to market on Saturdays and Sundays, by canoe, by horse and cart, hoping to barter for what they need or to come home with a few reias for medicine or school supplies. The family structure is strong. A typical household includes multiple generations, with the home divided into several small “apartments.” Children born to single parents are absorbed into the family community and raised by grandparents. The two or three people in a household who do have jobs try to support the rest of the family.

Rick, the mission director, tells me the reason people don’t get legally married is complex. First, it is culturally acceptable not to marry. Second, it’s expensive (a marriage license costs 250 reias—about $150.) Third, many people are functionally illiterate, uninformed about the law, and lack the relationships to find out basic information.

For example, how do you find out what office to go to to get a marriage license if you can’t read and have never known anyone who was legally married? Rick goes off on a little tangent, explaining that poverty goes far deeper than not having the basic needs for life. It is also about not having information and not knowing enough people who can give it to you. Rick says the most basic definition of poverty involves not a lack of things but a lack of relationships (or connections).

But following Jesus introduces new ideas into this frontier town. Men stop spending the little money they have on cigarettes and alcohol and begin to try to provide for their families. People are introduced to new teaching that honors marriage and to a community that supports it. They meet people who share information that they never knew before. The mission keeps a collection of old wedding dresses donated by people in the US and sometimes provides financial help to pay for the marriage license.

By far the most common kind of wedding in this town is the mass wedding of people who have been living together, become Christians, and want to become legally married. Women rummage through the dresses, men find suits to wear, and the couples pool their money to buy one simple wedding cake. Last night Connie and I had the privilege of attending such a wedding of four couples. One of the couples are the parents of Angelica, the girl who works for Bud and Suzanne. I took a little teasing from my son for attending the wedding of people I did not know and in a language I did not understand. But for me it was deeply meaningful to see this evidence of changed lives first hand.

Rick says he knows of only about four couples in their twelve years in this town who have actually “done it right”—actually getting married before living together. Still, the church is slowly developing an alternative culture which may eventually set the standard.

On the way home, Brin, who celebrated her own twelfth anniversary just two weeks ago, says the mass wedding was particularly sentimental for her. A bunch of years ago she sent her own wedding dress to Bud and Suzanne to be part of the collection. Last night, Angelica’s mother was wearing it.