Identity Crisis Sprinkled with Parasites

As of lately I have found myself thinking about my self. The Brazil Brin is different but I am not always sure in what ways, or even if they are good ways. I do realize that during this time of self-reflection it is an obvious opportunity to figure out what sort of person God created me to be.

I have not been very pleased with myself since we got off the plane in Altamira. I have allowed my attitude to be based on circumstances and shushed the urges of the Lord to grow in challenging situations. A year ago it took a lot of courage for me to listen to God and follow the path He laid out for me. But I did it. Now I am on that path, and I find my behavior like that of Peter witnessing Christ walking on water. I feel close to drowning as I take my eyes off Christ and instead focusing on the waves crashing around me. Waves of sick children. Waves of culture shock. Waves of inadequacy. Waves of a chaotic schedule. I cried over silly circumstances, like when Ava sat on the fan we had just bought and broke it. A fan. Granted it is really, really hot here but c’mon, that girl was known for breaking things and I never cried before.
The waves are beginning to calm down now but I still have the memories of how I floundered attempting to make sense of my new world. I question much, who I am and who others are. Above all, I am deeply loved by God and He has set the course for me. Everyone I interact with is a masterpiece of God. I write that but question whether I really know it, or live it. Evidence of the words that fly out of my mouth would say otherwise. If I have a hard time getting along with someone, I comfort my ego by saying, “I was voted Miss Congeniality in college, people usually like me.” That is only a placebo to heal a wound that occurs when I view others through fleshly eyes. Josh reminded me of a time when I was annoyed by a friend who had quit, what I thought, was a solid career to work at a lowly comic book store, because of a conviction he had. I put such emphasis on status and position that I could not comprehend why someone of such quality would choose to be apart of something of lesser quality. I am ashamed to say I have seen people by what they do, not who they really are; a creation of God. I let ugly and erroneous thoughts cloud my estimation of people and also myself. And that is just the one example Josh could think of, there are so many more I am certain.

So what do I do now since all this has flooded my conscious? I want to know more, I want to have more experiences, but I want all of these under the umbrella of my relationship to God.

Jed left today which is too bad because he missed the mass treatment of pinworm in our household (Jed on his last day pictured). All 10 of us got de-wormed. The girls ate their medicine crushed in a tablespoon of coconut ice cream, none the wiser. I kinda didn’t want him to leave because it solidified the certainty that I am here for good.

Out on the Rio Xingu

Sunday afternoon we left on a long anticipated boat trip. Before coming to Brazil, we had talked with the girls for a long time about how we would be living near a big river and would go out on boat trips and see the jungle, and on and on. I think our girls starting wondering if we had made all that up. It wasn't until about the 4th day when they actually saw this misterious river. And almost 3 weeks past before setting foot on a boat.
We spent only two days on the river, but there was a pink dolphin sighting (no kidding, there are pink dolphins here), we saw and heard monkeys playing in a tree and were able to spend most of the day on a white sandy beach. It was good time of relaxing for the whole family.

Choosing to Feel Good

I went to the “Supermercado” with a Brazilian to stock my house with all the housekeeping essentials. She knew no English with the exception of colors and I knew ridiculously few Portuguese words, strong on colors. Mostly she just loaded up my cart and behaved as if she had just won a shopping spree. I wasn’t sure what a few items were but didn’t question her until she started picking out really pretty, but expensive glassware. I gave her a not-a-chance look and motioned for the checkout. We went home and organized. Pleased with finally putting together a home and having a new friend to help (with good taste I might add), I feel my shoulders start to relax and my attitude more grateful. My circumstances became easier and the burdens of feeling out of place dissipating. I stopped fixating on what God could possibly have been thinking by placing me here. I feel better, yet ashamed that I couldn’t feel this way no matter what the circumstances of the moment are.

-BZJ

Just Do What it Takes

I got upset the other day while cleaning my outdoor bathroom (we do have an indoor one as well!). I wasn’t entirely sure if I should approach it like I would in America. That would involve a sponge, Tilex, Comet, rubber gloves and good ventilation. I knew that wasn’t right so I asked Suzanne if I could just use the garden hose and spray the entire thing down. She said “sure.” So I did. But the hose didn’t reach so I could only spray the portion of the bathroom to where the stream of water would reach and use buckets of water for the rest. The mess seemed to grow worse and I was drenching myself in the process. I knew I could not be doing this the right way. Twenty minutes into the project my tears mix with the hose water until Gabriella arrives and finds the cleaning process, and my current state, quite pitiful. She laughs so I do too.

Everything takes so long here. And a lot more effort. And a lot more flexibility. And that is just how it is and I am sure I will get used to it. But at this point it is just simply painful to my psyche. We passed a bike on a bumpy road with a guy pedaling and a girl riding sidesaddle behind. That is how people get around. What impressed me was that the girl was carrying a two layered sheet cake completely decorated. The kind of cake that if I were to have one made in the States I would have secured it in the back seat of my mini-van and, very cautiously, driven directly from the bakery to home. Maybe that will be me someday or at least it won’t seem incomprehensible.

-BZJ

Happy Thankgiving!

Thanksgiving in Altamira, believe it or not, brought some familiar sights. We met together with all the missionary families, and a visiting work team, for the evening meal. Since we were the new family we just brought the soda. We didn’t have turkey; chicken and steak were the meats of choice. Pumpkin pie even made an appearance. The ratio of adults to children was roughly 1:1, while it did remind us of home, it was trying nonetheless. We left feeling bloated, and a little queasy, so I guess in the end it proved to be authentic.

However, there were some differences. I bet there was no tarantula slaying or ant eating at your thanksgiving dinner. I guess the ants were like that red cranberry stuff that is always served at thanksgiving and no one knows why. Mostly the MKs were eating the ants, but Brin doesn’t pass up a chance to eat something that crawls. The ants were more the size of a very large wasp, and you actually just eat their hind end. Of course they were baked over an open fire first – we’re not savages here.

More thanksgiving pictures at: http://www.picasaweb.google.com/brinleezj

Unpacking

Mia made herself at home in one of our boxes. Of course it had to be the one with our computer stuff in it. She also seems to have made herself at home here in Brazil. She’s a good eater, sleeps well, didn’t get sick and is generally happy, as long as mom is around. The other day at dinner, she asked for “agua” when she was thirsty. She has a little more trouble with “obrigado”, but don’t we all…

See more pictures from our first week here: http://picasaweb.google.com/brinleezj/WeekOneInAltamira

Record Temps

So Jed was out by the driveway building a garbage stand. They don’t use large trash bins here instead they just pile everything on a wooden platform that stands 5 feet off the ground. Ava was out there watching and was our family’s first victim of a sting of some sort. Both Ella and Ava have had a rough go of things in Brazil. When we first arrived the Simon kids were running fevers and it didn’t take long for it to get to the girls. Ella has the record for our family with a 104.5 that a Tylenol/Motrin combo couldn’t touch. It is just not the same keeping kids cool in a tropical climate with no air conditioning. I was anxious. I lost a night of sleep and prayed a lot. I knew this was going to happen sooner or later I just had not prepared my heart for it to happen on Day 2 in Altimira.

In the picture Ava has some bug bites but they really are not that bothersome.

Link to more pictures: http://picasaweb.google.com/brinleezj/BrazilArrival

In Over my Head, I Want to Be

Ella got up in the morning and asked Josh what the temperature would be today. Josh informed her it would be hot and raining, for the next two years. And thus begins our story in Altimira.

We’re in. We share a home with Bud and Suzanne and their three children. The house still has construction going on but we have our own bedrooms and bathrooms. Speaking of which, Ella had to learn how to turn the shower on. And then she asked where the hot water was. There is no hot water to be found anymore, just hot, heavy air. I do not mind the cool showers nor do I mind the little bugs that I share the bathroom with. I counted six little bug carcasses that had an untimely demise on my bar of soap.

Josh and Jed spent the first days putting up screens on the windows, cleaning up/repairing bookshelves that were out on the veranda (You have a veranda? Yes, I do believe so!) and finding a place to put all our things. So like I said, we’re in. There are noisy saws and hammers in the house, we have tubs of our stuff just lying around, and we have not met our language tutors yet (that’s a big frownie face from what we learned in Colorado). That’s ok. I don’t always feel that it is “ok” but I just keep telling myself that.

Belem, Brazil

I'm sitting at our hotel's "Business Center" in Belem. It's about 9:00 pm local time. We arrived at 3:15 am this morning. Our flights went as smooth as possible. The only glitch, taking place on our flight from Chicago to Miami, during the commotion we caused while trying to board a full plane with three kids and 6 large carry-ons, my carry-on was taken by an over-achieving flight attendant and sent to the check-in luggage below. When we arrived in Miami I sent an overloaded Jed with my family to our connecting flight while I ran to the luggage carrousel, and anxiously awaited my backpack (which, by the way, had about $1700 worth of camera equip, some of which was Bud's). When it finally arrived I ran off to stand in line at security so I could again enter the terminal. Fortunately, I arrived in time and we boarded the plane together.

The girls did well on the flights. They didn't sleep as much as we hoped, but we kept them busy, for the most part. Thanks for your prayers. We were actually able to enjoy our trip - something I was praying for.

Today we did a lot of running around in Belem. We had to register with the Federal Police, something that requires about 5 different stops, all of them time consuming. And we had to go as a family. While we were waiting for some pictures to develop we saw a McDonald's and decided to take the girls there for a treat (it was recommended to us in our training that we give the girls "comfort foods" occasionally, providing familiarity when everything is foreign can help with adjustment). However, we were greeted with an unfamiliar scene when we arrived and found that the power was off so they were not serving food. We decided to rest there for a bit (see picture) and were able to return later when the power was back on.

Tomorrow Bud and Jed leave in a truck for Altamira (about a 15 hour drive on bumpy roads) with some of our baggage. The rest of us will fly there on Friday. We are thankful for this transitory time in Belem. Thanks for all of your prayers. We covet them over the next couple of weeks especially!

-JTP

And We're Off...

In 24 hours we will be boarding a plane in Chicago that will begin our journey to Brazil. In reality though, we began that journey about 1 year and 3 months ago, when God first started prompting us to move to Brazil. It's hard to believe that the day has come. We are experiencing everything from excitement to fear, and everything inbetween.

We've spent the last couple of weeks saying goodbye (pictured is Ella at a goodbye party with her friends). We've been promising our girls that our goodbyes will be rewarded with lots of hellos. But hellos can be hard too. We again (still) find ourselves in a place where we can only trust our heavenly Father. I think I am becoming more comfortable in this position. I hope I can stay here forever.