what ifs

It is 3:30 am and I can’t sleep because I drank too much guarana. My friend who is a chemical engineer (and who works at the local guarana factory, informed me that a guarana bean has more caffeine than a coffee bean. I believe him.

I lay in bed tonight thinking about “what ifs.” We had a little one yesterday. Josh was out with Mia and was getting on his motorbike when he bumped a long, heavy piece of metal sitting against a pillar and it crashed down on Mia. She is a bit bruised but what saved her from potentially another trip to the hospital was that she already had her helmet on. Thank goodness. Close calls like that kind of prompt me to remember other close calls. About this time a year ago, we were moving from one place that we had been house sitting for 3 months to a different house. We pretty much had everything moved so that night Josh and the girls slept in the new place. I stayed back at the old house because I had neglected to find a house sitter earlier that day. Plus I was not thrilled about leaving that house for a lesser. Anyway, here in Altamira, when you leave your house for the night you almost always ask someone to house sit for security reasons. We have heard stories about people arriving home to see their washing machine being lowered over their wall or another story where a couple went to the hospital to deliver their baby and when the husband went back to the house, their valuables and clothing had been stolen. Theft is so common and all the security measures, like guard dogs and privacy walls that felt weird when we first moved here are quite normal to us now. So to guard the house I slept there one last night. It went fine and the next day I lined up a sitter. A day later I talked to the house sitter and discovered that someone had broken into the house that night. She had smartly put on the security alarm and when it was triggered she awoke just in time to witness a man running out the door empty handed. See the thing is, the night before I had slept there. And I often did not use the alarm because those were the days when I was not sleeping well and I didn’t want to risk tripping the alarm when I got up to pace the kitchen or get a drink. I am not sure what I would have done but I certainly thought about it. And a year later, that “what if” situation still crosses my mind.

Another more humorous “what if” occurred 9 months or so ago. We had taken a trip to the Brasil Novo waterfall. I love that place. A small group of us were hiking through a wet creek bed when someone called out to stop and pointed to ground. Peaking out of some jungle river debris was a poisonous Amazon dart frog! You know, the kind Indians use to tip their blow-darts with poison. They are so rare and I was ecstatic and immediately began calling for Emily and Ella to come see it. I must have gotten too close because Alison pulled me back and said, “Careful, that snake can kill you.” I really wanted it to be a dart frog and didn’t believe him until the creature came out a little farther and revealed it’s triangular, some might say frog-shaped, yellow-speckled head. At least 3 pair of bare feet had trampled over it. Again, thank goodness. So on the way home I thought about it. Josh and I were leading that little group of 11 people. I was the only one with any healthcare knowledge but really that is inconsequential since I have no schooling on poisonous snake bites. But I thought about what I would have done. Tourniquet and transport was all I could think of. It would still take an hour to get to a hospital and that would be with no rain and driving as if someone’s life depended on it.

Josh has an even better “what if” story of when he was living in Papua New Guinea. I will let him share it. But on the subject of close calls and “what if’s”, they do get you thinking, don’t they? Large occurrences, like 9/11 incited masses of “what if” testimonies. And those big occurrences prompt us to think and rethink our lives. It gives us a chance to refocus our lives if we let it. Surely, if you take a second you can think of your own “what if” account and how it reshaped you as a person. But the little “what ifs” can start to add up too. And it not properly dealt with they can become rather overwhelming. Don’t ask what I mean by “dealt with” because like I said I am still thinking about mine years later. But here are some thoughts my mind has mulled over. Was Mia protected yesterday because of the relentless prayers of her great-grandparents? Quite possibly, yes. Do you think that hint of an experience with a middle-of-the-night thief make me appreciate the safety I have thus far experienced. Absolutely. It is when we have a difficult illness that we appreciate our previous health or when we have experienced a lay-off when we understand how good that old job we used to complain about really was. Those moments provide perspective. And in those moments if we can change our perspective to worship God as the guide in our lives that is what changes the rethinking of our lives to actual transformation. But even better, if we worship God, again as the guide of our lives, when the “what if” actually occurs, it proves that our worship and dependence on Him is not based on current circumstances. God is always worthy of our acknowledgement and praise, no matter how lousy we might feel, how massive the mistake we made was or what close calls fearfully become realities. The choice to embrace God is ours to make.

~BZP