take a deep breath...

This post by Jane Thorson, a friend down the hall in Memorial Dorm, College of the Ozarks, 15 years ago. And now a lifelong friend.

somewhere in between Porto Do Moz and Gurupa, Brin and i were looking out at the amazon river, and she told me to take a deep breath...to breathe in the fresh air that the amazon (the lungs of the world) produces. she had this really philosophical idea about how she would remember taking these deep breaths while she lay on her death bed...very deep stuff.

and so, i've been taking alot of deep breaths lately...breathing in the amazon air, of course, but also breathing in the life and culture of the amazon.

i didn't know exactly all that i would be doing when i made my plans to come visit josh and brin. all i knew is that i wanted to see what their life was like living in altamira...in the amazon river basin. but a couple days after arriving in altamira, brin and i joined a team of canadians/brasilians/missionaries on a river trip up the amazon river to the port city of Gurupa.

their goal was to deliver water filters to people living in villages along the amazon river. my goal was to get the chance to see the amazon. i think we both got a lot more than what we expected!

for ten days we slowly traveled up the river, stopping at different villages that one of the brasilian pastors had surveyed earlier. during the day, the canadians would deliver around 8-10 water filters to the families in the village where we had stopped (by village, i mean a few houses clumped together) and brin and the missionary doctor would set up a makeshift "clinic" where they would do consults with the people in the area. while the adults were visiting with the doctor, a couple other people on the team would be painting children's faces, passing out candy and little toys, playing frisbee and of course soccer with the kids. (that's the team i joined!)
then in the evening, we would hold a small meeting in one of the family's homes. sing some worship songs, share some testimonies, preach the word, and pray for people.

it was great!

it was cool to see how open the brasilians were to strangers coming into their homes....it was inspiring to see how brin and the missionary doctor sat with people, listened to their hurts/pain, and gave them physical hope (medicine) and spiritual hope (prayer)...and it was encouraging to see the brasilian church working along side the canadian church in ministering to peoples felt needs. i couldn't have asked for a better picture of the amazon.

and all along the way, i was taking deep breaths:

i breathed in the friendliness of the brasilians...the smiles from the children and adults...the amazing fruits of the amazon...the refreshing river baths...the art of sleeping in a hammock...the adventurous travel in canoes through the tributary rivers off the the amazon river. the joys of living together in community...and of course, the amazon air itself, sometimes scented with tropical flowers.

i know...as i go back home, i hope that i will continue to take deep breaths...
maybe not of the air (although the air in omaha isn't that bad?!) but more importantly, that i will breathe in deeply the life and culture of the place GOD has me for this time in my life. because i know that HE has things there for me, just like i've experienced in the Amazon.

so wherever you find yourself at the moment...don't forget to take a deep breath...

heading off into the remote tributaries of the amazon!

some of the amazing cacao we enjoyed on the trip!

the smiling faces!

Brin translating as i shared a testimony!

relaxing in our hammocks!

painting faces

brin doing her medical things!

setting off to deliver some filters

observations of a former youth pastor

I’ve been able to dabble in youth ministry here in Brazil. After nine years as a youth pastor I am happy to just dabble. I’m thrilled to not have to go to a youth meeting every week. But in dabbling I still get to do the fun stuff, like work with the college aged leadership team. Most of my closest relationships are with youth on the leadership team. It’s really the best of both worlds, I have no real responsibilities, but I get to help out whenever I want, or when I’m needed most.

But once a youth pastor always a youth pastor, I suppose… I can’t help myself from analyzing the youth culture as I have been so accustomed to doing. I know enough to know that I haven’t figured much out here. When I finally think I’ve nailed down some aspect of the youth culture, I usually discover something else that blows my whole theory. It’s a good thing I’m not getting graded on all this.

Failures aside, I have been able to come up with some striking differences in the youth culture here and back home. Usually it’s a this-would-never-work-back-home moment that leads to one of these findings. So here is my list of 2 (I know, pretty pathetic) things that I’ve figured out about brasilian youth culture…

1. Technology rules, but the bar is low. Like American youth, the youth here are enthralled with all things new, but unlike their American counterparts they don’t have the pretention of cynicism. You’ll never get a “that’s so cheesy” sneer or a “that’s so 90’s” comment. They’re just glad you’re trying to put something up on the video projector. So if the sound system feeds back and the video stops 3 times during playback and all we have for bathrooms at the retreat center are holes in the ground… well that’s ok, they don’t mind.
2. People are shockingly patient when it comes to being preached at. Probably because of a number of factors, in the U.S. we are overly sensitive to offending people that we are trying to reach (and rightly so). It’s a breath of fresh air (and at the same time somewhat disturbing) to find that here there is really no need to be concerned with that. Either people are not offended at anything or they just keep their thoughts to themselves, I’m not really sure which. Let me explain, let’s make-believe that you are a youth pastor, your youth leadership team comes to you and says they want to put up a fake police road block to stop traffic in front of your church and tell people they need Jesus and they should come stay for the church service. You’d probably laugh or cry or maybe both, but you’d gently guide them away from that absurd idea, right? Well not if you were here. No joke. Our youth group did this. Some people sped away because they were breaking the law in some way and thought it was a real roadblock, but the rest just took it in stride, some even stopped and stayed for the church service!

The roadblock in front of our church

A youth talks to the driver of a car that was stopped,
a policeman stands nearby supervising the mock roadblock.

My other example comes from the other night. We were given permission to hold an evangelistic meeting at a local school. It was in the evening, during the time of night classes, which are attended mostly by high school and college age kids. I’m still not sure how they pulled this off, but somehow they were able to cancel the classes but instead of telling the students, the youth group was hoping that when they showed up for class they would decide to just stay for the meeting. Now if I were a student, religious beliefs aside, and classes were cancelled and no one told me, I’d probably be a little peeved, I know I’m not sticking around school for some meeting that is not required. But again, I was totally wrong in my assumptions. The students did stay, and some even seemed to enjoy it.

The outreach program at the school

I do have to say, given these factors alone, this would be a pretty great place to be a youth pastor. Not having to try so hard to impress people is liberating. I spent too much time as a youth pastor trying to think of the next best thing that will capture their attention. There’s something authentic about knowing that the audience is not so caught up in the delivery system of the message that they miss the point altogether. Come to think of it, that’s the one thing that drew me to Brazil from the beginning, the openness and often eagerness to hear the Gospel.

Intervinha 09

Two of our mission's boats anchored off-shore from the camp

We just returned from a 3-day annual leadership retreat including leaders from all the regions of the Xingu Mission. The retreat was held at a camp on the river, near Porto de Moz, one of our bases to the north of Altamira. We left Ava and Mia at home, so we were able to more easily enjoy our time with the other missionaries, pastors and church leaders. Around 170 people were present from all three of our bases (Altamira, Porto de Moz and Maraba) as well as a short term mission team and a few pastors from the U.S.

Here are some pictures from the weekend...

Brin with some friends on a jungle hike

Returning from the hike

A group prays for a pastor and his wife.

Teaching from a guest speaker from Santarem

Evening worship

Ava is 7

For the third time, I found our school room had flooded during the night. We have had so much rain that I am eager for the dry season to start. The entire Amazon Basin has received record amounts of rain this year. Thankfully, Altamira has not had another flood since the one last month, although the fear is still a reality for some. So I am thankful that I only lost a few books and papers, remembering people that lost everything. It is 11:30, Sunday morning and I have spent the morning cleaning. So much for a day of rest. And I see the danger in losing it as I am tense and finding myself overwhelmed in the tasks of just living here. I know I've got to let some things go, I am still just not sure what.

Last night we hosted a party for Ava's 7th birthday. We had 27 children (which is why i am still cleaning now), most invited and some that just showed up. I put a lot of effort into making this a Brazilian party, even though I myself have never attended a child's party in full. I am usually more than eager to just drop my daughter off at the 5 or so parties they get invited to a year. And I think it was pretty Brazilian accept for the grapes (a rare treat) I put in the "salada de frutas", the over-the-top princess dress Ava wore, and the occasional English words we let slip. And it was the Brasilians who wanted to sing Happy Birthday in English. So lucky Ava got two songs. We had a downpour just as it was time for the children to go home, although just because the party ends does not mean people necessarily go home, I have learned. Ava, comandeering leadership of her own party, led about 10 kids into the now dark street, giggeling, screaming and dancing in the rain. They were soaked by the time Chelsea told me what was going on, and I was fretting that a mom would show up and wonder what kind of family lets the children play in the rain, in the dark, in the street. Come to find out, that is mine. So as you can see, I have let some things go. Maybe it is a little weird that my family goes outside to play when it starts to rain. But I am still, after 2 1/2 years finding my way.

Friday was another, and especially notable, Alpha Circles meeting (our Friday night English meeting). Terry, a new missionary in Porto de Moz shared some beautifully raw moments from his life. It was touching. Several of the dedicated attendees told me it was meaningful for them and thanked me for the efforts we were putting into doing Alpha Circles. That was certainly a boost for me.

~posted by Brin

Follow this link to see more pictures from Ava's Birthday Party

rhythm

Nothing of real note to blog on this past week, after my last adventure life here in Altamira seems somewhat calm. Adding to that, we've noticed recently that our lives have fallen into somewhat of a rhythm. For me that means having more defined responsibilities with the maintenance of the boats, as well as traveling more to the interior where we are planting churches. Brin and the girls, on the other hand, seem to have more responsibilities in Altamira which makes it more difficult for them to travel.

An English discussion group at the
Friday night outreach that Brin leads.

Brin continues to lead a Friday night outreach to students from our English school. It's been exciting to see several students begin attending one of our churches as a result of the outreach. Brin also helps on Saturdays with a small group of young people from our church that go to a local orphanage to spend time with the kids.

Ava and Mia hosting slumber party with two of their friends.

More and more, the girls seem to be adjusted to their Brazilian school and are enjoying several new friendships. The other day Mia said that her teacher told her that her eyes look like Jesus. We weren't sure what to make of that, but then realized that what she meant to say was that she said they looked like the sky, which in Portuguese is the same word for heaven. I suppose having Jesus' eyes would be a pretty good compliment though.

Church Planting and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

Our group, the morning we left

Last Tuesday I left for a trip to Maribel, a very remote region where we have several church plants. Usually we go by road, taking the TransAmazon hwy for about 4 hours and then a jungle road for another 5 or so hours. Usually during the rainy season (generally over by June) we go by boat, however that is a 3 day trip. During the rainy season the jungle road becomes impassable for trucks, but we thought we would try the trip for the first time by motorcycles. Five of us went, myself, Bud, Keith (missionaries) and two Brazilians, Naldo and Poli. We knew we were in for an adventure, but we had no idea...


The trip there was adventurous enough. The weather was perfect, no rain. But the jungle road has lots of standing water, which sometimes you can drive around, but usually the only option is driving through. In one such crossing Bud decided to take an "alternate route" and ended up at the bottom of a five foot deep hole. His motorcycle was completely submerged and flooded. We spent about an hour draining the water out of the oil and drying out the motor. It was just getting dark as we got on our way again. Then it was Poli's turn. Hitting a submerged rock, his motorcycle fell into the water. We went through the same process with Poli's bike, not arriving until 9:30 pm.

Our time visiting the communities went very well. We left the next morning on a boat and spent the next 3 days on the river. Here's a video about our time...






We decided to head for home a day early, on Friday. It had rained much of the night Thursday night, and we had only been on the road about 15 minutes when Bud realized he was missing the nut from his rear axle. We spent about an hour looking for it and finally decided to do the best to wire it in place and continue on. We stopped and asked several people along the way if they happened to have a nut we could use. It seemed to be a complete waste of time to me, you don't just stop and ask someone a question here, it turns into a much longer ordeal. Miraculously, however, a guy had a honda motorcycle with the same nut. He let us take it as long as we promised to give it to his brother who lived in a town that we would be passing through, where we could buy a new one.


Back on the road with fully functioning equipment, we started to feel good about things. The water we had passsed through on the way in was higher, but nothing was impassable yet. Then came a creek that a man told us he had to swim across, much too high for our motorcycles. Some locals told us the creek would probably be passable in the morning, and one man offered his house and even some food, we went to bed thinking we would be home the next day, only this one more creek and we're home free.


Unloading our equipment at the house of a kind stranger
who put us up for the night

After passing the creek in the morning, we rounded a corner to see yet another impassable river. We were able to borrow a rowboat in disrepair from a neighbor, and after fixing some holes with tar, we were able to cross the creek, one at a time with our motorcycles. And then yes, yet ANOTHER, flooded creek (I apologize for the repetition, but how do you think we felt?). We heard about a detour through the jungle, but waited a few hours for the water to go down a little more because of the swift current.

Crossing one of the many water hazards

We finally made it out of the jungle road and onto the TransAmazon later in the afternoon on Saturday. We decided we should just stay the night in Uruara, a city on the TransAmazon and about 4 hours from home. As we arrived into town, we realized the only bridge into town had been swept away by the rising waters. We were able to cross, amid about 300 onlookers and heavy equipment trying desperately to repair the road without running over the gawkers. After making some repairs to our motorcycles, we greatly enjoyed some pizza, a shower and a clean bed.

But surely, we thought, no more problems. It started raining just after breakfast. Just out of town we came to yet another river which had risen and covered the road. An entrepreneurial man showed up just after us with a boat. He charged $5 a motorcycle to ferry us across. We would have paid 10 times that.

During the trip we realized Bud hadn't been baptized yet... just kidding, here Bud and Naldo check the depth of one of the flooded TransAmazon Hwy

Evidently the flooding was due to the heavy rain the night before. It's not uncommon for the road to become impassable, but this has been an unseasonably wet year. For sure the washed-out bridge going into Uruara and the river flooding the road going out of town were both very rare. If you've stuck around this long, maybe you'll enjoy this video I made of our return trip:

Saying goodbye

Allison and I at a recent trip to a beach



I (Josh) am leaving tomorrow on a 5 day trip, I need to get some sleep, but I wanted to post something first...



Earlier tonight I said goodbye to my good friend Allison. He's going to Sao Paulo to study at a 3 month missionary training program. He learned about it from a friend who went through the program. I'm hoping it may be something that we can use with others as well. Allison is very excited, he'll be flying for the first time, and will probably be blown away by the sights and sounds of the big city.



Please pray that during this time Allison learns a lot about missions, but also that God would use this time to really draw near to him and give him a real passion for reaching the lost. Ironically, Allison wants to be a missionary pilot and mechanic (the same dream I had). I'm not sure where God will lead Allison, but he's already touched my life with his friendship and I know God will use him to touch the lives of many others.

Soup

Altamira is slowly getting back to normal. Some families are still displaced, but most of them have returned and begun cleaning up after the floodwaters. It seems also that the fears of another dam breaking have subsided. Initially, after the flooding, their seemed to be a bit of chaos as some families were returning with their things, and others were still moving their belongings out in fear of the floodwaters returning.

In the face of suffering like we often see during a natural disaster, we want to help but often don’t know how. So often these feelings slowly pass, never resulting in much action. I was with a group of friends from our church and they decided they were going to make soup and give it away in the street. At the time it didn’t seem like the best use of our time, but as we were running around buying potatoes and carrots and tracking down pots, I realized that giving soup away wasn’t really the point. We were doing something. And yeah, it made us feel good, but more than that it was an act of love.

Agustino tried to show me how to make soup for 75 people ,
but he lost me somewhere around the chopped onions.

Loading up in my truck to take the soup to the street.

Easter Morning

On Easter morning our family awoke to a flooded school room and guest room after a night with especially long and heavy rains. We cleaned it up and then I went to our Training Center outside of town to pick up some youth that had spent the weekend there at a retreat. On the way back to the church, we crossed one of the main bridges in town and saw that the creek was high and flowing very fast. I thought not much of it, as it is common this time of year. Usually once or twice a year there is a heavy rain and some of the low-lying neighborhoods in the floodplain fill with water. By the time we reached the church I had heard several comments about some dams breaking upstream on a large creek that runs into the Xingu River. There are several earthen dams on ranches upstream, but again, I didn't think much of it. I made a couple other stops, dropping people off and then headed back home.

On my way I got a call from Bud, another missionary who said the water was getting close to the foundation of his house (although his house is near the creek, it had never raised to the level of threatening his house). As I approached the same bridge to cross back over the creek I saw water covering the road, a quarter of a mile from the bridge! I knew then this was not an ordinary flood. I checked a couple other bridges and found them all impassable. There was no way for me to cross the creek, and get to Bud's house. Or even home if I wanted.

The creek cuts through the middle of town and has several bridges. Most of them are older wooden bridges, some of them more solid than others. I was still driving the Mission's large truck, now empty, and I realized I could help the many people fleeing their homes. I first encountered a distressed guy on the street desperately seeking help, I followed him into a flooded neighborhood driving through almost 3 ft. of water. We anxiously loaded the truck with furniture and family and headed for higher ground.

The first family I helped rushes to evacuate their house and save as much as they could. Only minutes later the water had risen another 2 feet.

I returned to help others and worked most of the day alongside Allison and other youth from our church. I've helped with flood clean-up before, in St. Louis after the 92 flood and in New Orleans after Katrina, but it's always been after the fact. I was there when it happened this time and I could see the fear, desperation and confusion in their eyes. Especially difficult was watching people who had so little lose everything, knowing there was no insurance, no savings account, or other government safety net for them to fall back on.

Later on, my thoughts returned to how I was going to get home. Just before dark, Allison and I found the only way to cross to the other side of town. A bridge had been partially washed out, but people were crossing by a plank. I left the truck with my friends and I walked across, finally arriving home after a long day. Below is a short clip of the bridge crossing:



Many people lost everything they had. In some locations, the water rushed in with such force that they were only able to leave with the clothes on their backs. Local reports say 15,000 people have been affected. Our churches had many families effected by the flooding, but Bud's house was spared.

The next day the water receded and the damage was more visible. Entire houses are gone and the only thing left on the land is debris from their upstream neighbor. Slowly the bridges reopened. One was completely washed away and several others are damaged, probably beyond repair. There is talk of another dam that may break and cause more flooding. So while the victims are trying to recover from the first flood, they live in fear of another assail of water. Last night I helped the youth group make soup and distribute it to the people living in the area most affected. The whole situation is truly heartbreaking with so many people in need it is almost overwhelming. Please pray for our community. We need wisdom as we seek to meet the needs of the community during the long rebuilding process, both physically and spiritually.

The road to the airport has been washed out and while we were discussing this problem Mia lightened the mood when she said she hopes it gets fixed before grandma and grandpa come in June, otherwise they'll have to spend the 3 weeks in the airport.

Heading for higher ground

A scene from one of the streets:




Here's a link to a Brazilian article (in portuguese), but it does have some video.

Quick update... more to come

We have been meaning to update our blog about Easter Sunday but just have not found a moment. Altamira has suffered some difficulties in the last few days as dams upriver broke unleashing a torrent of water to unsuspecting homes. Entire houses were washed away in the current and many, many people in our town are displaced, some having lost all of what little they owned. For a time all bridges were impassable, cutting off one part of the city from the other, with Josh stuck on the side opposite our home.

Josh has been out every day, almost all day helping people move to safer ground, retrieving appliances and belongings that were swept away . Tonight some friends made huge kettles of soup and we passed it out in the area most affected. Hopefully we can get an update out soon, but if not please understand. And please, please pray.

Jungle Training

This past weekend I went on the inaugural trip of a weekend training school that we are starting. Every month we will take a group of Brazilians to a river community where we have a work started. Most of the weekend is spent in a structured class, but they also help out with a church service and inviting neighbors from the community. I made a sort of promotional video for this training, which is called Fiel (faithful). I've done some other video stuff recently, some of it more fluff side (see the last video about Mia's birthday), but if you're interested in learning more about our work here, watch this video:

I can also make the video available in high quality if anyone is interested in showing it for promotional purposes.

A birthday and a new ministry

Brin has been in charge of starting a weekly outreach program for our English school. The English school, at which she has taught in the past, is part of our social outreach program. Several students have been introduced to our church, and later making a decision to follow Christ, after attending the English classes. Brin has long had a heart to use this opportunity that we have with so many people from the community. The outreach programs include English songs, skits, or videos, folowed by a short talk and discussion groups afterward.
The first meeting was well attended, so we hope that it takes off.

Ava and Ella where able to participate in a skit, my only fear is that they will be typecast as obnoxious younger sisters. Also in this photo: Chelsea, Marilda and Angelica.

Brin playing a game with visitors.

A little recognition

Early morning in the Assurini.

Last week I was reminded of the unsung workers that contribute so much to the church-planting effort that we are a part of. The missionaries and the pastors seem to be the glory positions. We get all of the attention. But there are several workers that toil tirelessly for the Kingdom (there are undoubtedly many of these in your church as well). Poli is one such worker. Every week, leaving his wife and young son, he spends a couple days working in a region that has 7 struggling churches. A few of them have buildings, the others are just clumps of believers that want to learn more, but no one is able to teach them. No one, that is, except Poli. Poli visits at least one of these locations once a week. And as you can imagine, it's no easy journey.

Our church's leadership praying for Poli

Last Sunday Poli was ordained as a minister by our church. A formality that didn't change much on the outside, but seemed to have a profound effect on Poli. He, along with his wife were called up front and the leadership prayed for him, annointing him with oil. Afterwards they opened it up for anyone to come and pray over Poli and his wife. You could feel the support the congregation was giving Poli. I'm sure he will never forget it, and I'm sure that it will serve as a reminder for our church as to the much needed prayer support that is needed for Poli to carry out this work.

Orlando, the man in the center, lives in the Assurini and has been influential in planting churches in that region. Poli and his wife are seated.

After a recent trip I took with Poli, I shared a little about his rough background and his work in the Assurini. And in the two posts below you can read more about the Assurini, the area in which Poli works:

December 13, 2007

The Assurini

I am faithful and true

Brin and I have some college friends who have been serving as missionaries in a muslim country for 6 years. They have 4 girls who have only known life in their adopted country. A few months ago we got word that they had been deported, we heard only that they had since relocated to another country, waiting reassignment. Recently, Brin received an update, with their permission we are posting it on our site so more people can hear their powerful story and the journey of faith they have been on...


"I packed up our home and we said our good-byes in 6 days. The summary is that we were in the best year that we had been. We felt like we had been stripped and pruned and had gone through some fires to get out the human junk we kept holding onto. (Not that it doesn't continually happen, but we saw a a good season of it). Then we took a new position as leaders over the rural south. We began making contacts, picking the city we would move to, and visioning/strategizing etc. We had our first true church occurring and seeing how God was moving. Our home was finally becoming a home. We painted each of the girls rooms and added to our pets (2 cats). We had just returned from a networking trip down south with some partners in the States. Cal and I were excited. Since I was more than 7 months pregnant and our passports were going to expire in about 6 months, but we needed them in January for visas, we decided to go ahead and get new ones before the holidays and the baby coming. Cal got the new passports and went for our 1 year visas. It all seemed routine. Who knew what that day would hold.


"Anyway, after applying for the visas, Lydia received hers. Then Calvin was called into the secret police. He was held for about 3 hours. They didn't do much except ask him weird questions and following him to the bathroom. They told him to come back in a week for the visas. They then took his mobile phone number. This week we prepared for the worse (being deported), but not believing it would actually happen since no one else had ever had it done. (Others who have been denied have had the male stopped at re-entry at the airport with wife and children allowed in.) Calvin went back and then he was held the entire day by secret police. He was sent from office to office with a personal guard. He eventually ended up in the illegal resident section with everyone else handcuffed. They said his guard was sufficient for him since he was American. Then his guard fell asleep on his shoulder. I told him he should have ran at the point! ha ha By the end of the day, they said his visas were ready. He went back to the "public" section of the building and then the high officer of the secret police took him. Anyway, they then said that we had six days until we would be deported on violation of overstaying our tourist visa. We still do not know the "whys" of it all. We have ideas, but nothing concrete. This deportation was both for him and me. Calvin came home and we cried. It was a hard blow. The blessing was he was able to help this emotional big pregnant woman pack up the house. The bad was that I had to leave within days also. We changed our phone numbers and our building guard harassed us to no end for them. (He was informing the police about us.) We also had plain clothed secret police outside our building entrance for the last week we were there. An intimidation technique and a shaming for us to the neighborhood.


"It was really hard on our girls. They couldn't understand why we had to rush and get our things packed. Sell some of their toys. Leave their newly painted princess rooms. Then when we could only take a few suitcases with us, of course, what they wanted couldn't all fit. Lydia was the worse because she understood what was happening. Also, she had just had a birthday. We had to leave her new birthday bike. That's everything for a kid. Also, the previous month, two out of three new kittens had died. (also a birthday present) Now we had to give the new 1 week old kitten away to another family. Saying good-bye to friends and comprehending never seeing them again. This had been her only home. She was 15 months when we arrived in country. It was tough times on her. When we arrived in Jordan, not only the crying, but lots of anger from the kids. They were forced into many situations they had no control over. They knew this wasn't right, even if they couldn't explain it. The first night in Jordan we put Alia into pjs and asked for her to go to the bathroom. She said she did. So I turned to dress Kinzy. Then I saw Alia squat and just pee on the floor, pjs and all. With all of the hormones, I just lost it. I dropped 7 pounds in that last week and went into early labor due to the stress of everything (physical and emotional). Calvin broke out in Shingles along his cerebral nerve 24 hours after he was released from the police due to the stress. So the last week he was lifting boxes/suitcases and just would fall to the floor in spiking pain. He eventually got on morphine which helped. And of course you know the end of that story, every two weeks until Christmas, one of the girls broke out into Chicken pox in Jordan due to the Shingles.


"We had our baby girl, Noelle, here in Jordan. She came only two weeks early. That was good considering I thought I would have her in Nov. We brought her home from the hospital and laid her in a small laundry basket. I had to leave her nursery back in our other country. We are in temporary housing here and there just isn't much. (We are now borrowing a pack-n-play from some people we met.) Christmas came and we enjoyed it as a family. During these weeks there was a lot of crying and grieving. Sometimes it was for our home, or our friends, or the loneliness we felt. At times it was for the death of a dream and of a vision, or for the feelings of being the outsider again. Many times it was over the hurt we saw our girls experiencing and being helpless to heal it. It was all gone. We could do nothing to get it back. It was taken away by the bad guys. It was our love. Then the realization of all of the time we wasted hit us. We were losers, just great big zeros for the missed opportunities. For not preparing the believers for our departure. For not building up their community so they could perserve together. For not training others enough so that the lost would continue to hear. Then we cried even more. It was a lonely Christmas. Pretty empty. We tried to get several family or friends to come visit, but none of them could.


"We then went into a leadership training here in Jordan for the whole month of January. It was a sweet, sweet time with the Lord. And now it's February. We are finally feeling like we are getting going and moving somewhat normal again. We did not go back to the States during this time. With being so late in the pregnancy and having the baby and no passport, it was impossible. But then we went into the training. Honestly I had very mixed emotions about it. I wanted so much to go "home" and be pampered and someone watch my kids so I could just sleep in depression! ha ha I wanted the comfort of all that was known to me and my family around me. Yet, since we didn't go back and we knew no one here, we were forced to do nothing else but be alone, be still and listen to His voice. It was the most amazing healing we have ever experienced. His Word was like a soothing salve on our hearts. Each day the Lord gave just enough mercies so that we were able to sleep and wake the next day for a new dose. We sang through tears. We praised even when it hurt. We held our children and told them of God's faithfulness to our family. Of His faithfulness to our believing friends. Of His love and faithfulness to our lost friends. His sovereign will is for our good and for his glory. I didn't even know what grace and sovereignty was when I was seven. I saw in Lydia's eyes and life, she was not only understanding but experiencing it daily. (Of course, I didn't know what an ocean was either at that age.)


"One night I kept waking up and I audibly heard God say I am faithful and true, I am faithful and true. Over and over as I woke throughout the night. Then as the morning came, the voice said, Hope in the Lord! I knew God was speaking to me. Hope in the Lord is not like earthly hope. It's not a crossed finger hope. It is a confident hope that expects to see His victory and promises fulfilled. So that is how Noelle was named, Noelle Hope. I really believe that if we would have gone back to the States, our comforts would have been worldly. Because that is what I was looking for. Mmmm, double chocolate chunk fudge.... But praise God, He used barren times to be the most wonderful time of healing and comfort. When trials come in abundance, so does His comfort."