What is good?

There is a strange gap in my memory after I struck the dog and then became aware of my body sliding to a stop on the road.  I don't think I blacked out, I just have no memory.  As I came to my senses, my initial concern was for my left arm that was extended above my head.  I have a bad shoulder that is easily dislocated; over the years I've learned how to manipulate it back into place.  I slowly lowered my left arm with my right, preparing to put it back into place, but realized it was not dislocated.  I assumed the discomfort I felt in my shoulder was evidence that my shoulder had dislocated, but returned on it's own.  There was a soreness, but nothing that made me think anything was broken.  Next I assessed my legs, nothing was broken.  My chin was bleeding and I realized I had broken some molars (which at first I thought was gravel).  But all in all I felt thankful that I was essentially able to walk away from the crash (albeit limping).

Riding in a strangers car back to the city, I remember looking out the window with a grateful heart.  I thanked God for protecting me, for sparing me from more critical injuries.  More than a week later I am now struggling to have that same thankful heart.  The seriousness of my injuries have changed somewhat.  I have broken bones both in my shoulder and chin, and my knee may have some ligament damage (not a professional assessment, I see the orthopedic doctor tomorrow).  But does any of that change the reality that God is in control and deserves my thanks?

I've been reading in Acts about the early church.  What really was the hangup that many of the Jews had with Jesus?  Among other things, it was essentially they were looking for a messiah as they desired him to be.  They wanted to be saved on their terms.  I have come to realize that I do the same thing with Jesus.  I want him to "save" me from the difficulty, pain and disappointment of this life; when He doesn't I feel let down, even disillusioned.

Faith seems to have as much to do with trusting in how God works as in who God is.  It's easy to believe in a God when His will and our own lines up, but the moment His plan diverges from ours, we question where He is.  My personal faith struggle comes down to this: Do I believe God is good?  To clarify, am I willing to allow God to define "good"?  Declaring that God is good is easy, until I decide His goodness is not what I had in mind. 

I'm still in the midst of this lesson.  I'm learning what it means to trust Him.  I'm taking some cues from the writer of Ps. 118:1,2:

O give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;

his steadfast love endures forever!

Let Israel say,

"His steadfast love endures forever."

Let me say, "His steadfast love endures forever."