Open Hands

We took the above picture because Brin wanted to document a couple things. The rashes, 3 different kinds, on her arms and hands is just the latest of many skin ailments she has had since our arrival here. But this picture is more about remembering where Brin is in her spirit. Isaiah 42:3 reads, “A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out. In faithfulness he will bring forth justice.” In many ways Brin has felt lately like a bruised reed (a picture comes to mind of a broken reed, doubled over but still alive) or a smoldering wick. John of the Cross wrote about “a dark night of the soul”, a time when a person loses “all the pleasure that they once experienced in their devotional life. This happens because God wants to purify them and move them on to greater heights”.

Identifying what you’re experiencing and then being able to move past it are two different things. Maybe you have had such times in your life; you are tired, lacking passion and motivation for life, struggling with anxiety that won’t loosen its grip. So we do what we are supposed to do: read the Bible and claiming the peace and joy promised us, share our struggles with others asking them to lift us up before our Father. But nothing seems to work. The feelings and emotions, or “pleasures of our devotional life” as John of the Cross puts it, don’t follow. We are left with the same ugly thoughts and problems.

Yesterday I had an especially vivid prayer time for Brin, asking that God would be glorified in what she was going through. And I’m beginning to see that happen and have hopes that in sharing our struggles with you God will be glorified all the more.

In the days since we took the picture Brin has continued to struggle. The rash is gone, but her “dark night” is not. We have, however, experienced some victories. The Word has begun to speak to her once again. Yesterday, a package arrived from a friend back home, it included a bible study for Brin, including DVDs with teaching. Brin was so excited to get it and the topic, living in the Spirit, was just what she needed. This morning she read me a verse that spoke to her from the study:

“We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.”

2 Cor. 1:8,9

“But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God”. In that phrase there is hope for Brin. A purpose for suffering makes the suffering more bearable. Giving glory to God is essentially saying, “look what God is doing”. Sometimes that glory puts us in a place we want to be, sometimes it doesn’t. Regardless of where we are, God wants us to know He has us there for a reason. And that is good enough for us to open our hands to him and say, I trust you.